That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's always time for handjobs
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
