a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize