im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize