I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
