I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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