Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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