i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
