New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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