There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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