No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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