I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
