Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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