Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i now understand why vodka
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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