It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
