You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
