i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
