You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
