This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
