What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
