My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
