im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize