how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
