i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
