don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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