I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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