I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
