is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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