so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
