it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
