I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
