im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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