My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
