I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
