no, he came in my armpit
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have aggressive nipples.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
