hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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