yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
