You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize