So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize