Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize