I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
