If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize