yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize