Kiss
Puke
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
