Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
