She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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