so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
