You really coming over, don't trick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
