everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
