Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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