I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
