Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Still dying that you shit outside
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
