Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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