Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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