Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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