yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
