Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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