the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
