Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
