Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
