We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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