Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
