I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
